A special thanks to my friends who inspired this piece. This article doesn't look at research reports or data tables—just plain language on who will be the softener in your life. I'm no psychologist, and I have almost no experience. I talked to friends who've never been in love and those I consider successful in relationships, and based on my shallow understanding, I'll share some food for thought. If you disagree, you're probably right—no arguments here. They're different things, and everyone has their own limitations. If you're inspired and want a rational discussion, you're welcome!
I started this topic because someone mentioned that the endgame of stock market technical analysis is psychology. That makes sense—many fields, when they reach a point no one can explain, revert to philosophy. Then I heard a remark: "Chip leader Maxscend Microelectronics gave 80% of its stock to his ex-wife in a divorce, keeping only 20%. If that's not true love, what is?" I got curious about when the stock market and love could be connected. One thing led to another, and here's this article. But it's worth emphasizing: love and investing aren't everything in life. There are many other beautiful things to enjoy. Don't spend too much time obsessing, struggling, or regretting over love. And don't spend too much time studying investing unless you want to be a professional or make a living from it.
Next, I'll break it down into four parts: Value, Tides, Regret, and the Mismatch Between Perception and Reality. I hope this helps you, whether in the stock market or in love.
Value
Economics talks about the "impossible trinity"—a country can't simultaneously have free capital flow, independent monetary policy, and exchange rate stability. In the stock market, there's a triangle: valuation, growth, and certainty—you can't have low valuation, high growth, and high certainty all at once.
I think there's an impossible trinity in people too: you can't have someone who hasn't achieved much yet but has a high probability of future success. For example, graduates from Tsinghua or Peking University are never valued low, because in a society that values education, a high degree often means higher social status and a higher probability of future achievement.
For diverse people, measuring a person's value is multi-dimensional: long-term vs. short-term, intrinsic vs. extrinsic. Here are a few accumulated values: achievements, wealth, social status, appearance, family background, education. Potential values: ambition, eloquence, ambition, kindness, loyalty, courage.
Long-term value and long-term strategy: everyone wants their loved one to be a "potential stock"—someone you can see hope in. After all, love and dreams can't be eaten. When the other person hasn't achieved much, fighting side by side, sharing honor and disgrace, building a relationship from scratch—that kind of bond is precious. In my view, a future partner needs to create more emotional value, while investing creates more profit, i.e., money. The difference between choosing a partner and choosing an investment target is that you might pick just one partner, but you might pick multiple investments. The similarity is that both require patience to observe early on, and once you're convinced, you hold firmly. No one is perfect, and no investment target has all positive news. Human nature may be to magnify the bad and ignore the good. But we need a sense of ambiguity—don't be too rigid, but also have your own bottom line.
Avoid short-term choices to avoid fickle people. Instant value: appearance is a typical short-term value. As we age, we inevitably age, and appearance changes. The difference is just the starting point and the rate of change. So short-term value doesn't last. For those chasing short-term value, the best approach is to rent, not buy, and certainly not hold long-term. Emotional stability is crucial for a relationship. In a long-term relationship, I believe stable emotions are the foundation. Emotional stability reflects how you react to difficulties (avoid overreacting) and your problem-solving ability. It's also a key factor in the snowball effect of a long-term relationship, because human interaction is essentially an exchange of emotions.
Taking risks: Volatility is an important metric in stock selection. The same can apply to people, though it's hard to quantify. My understanding is the trend of emotional development fluctuating within a reasonable range. Imagine if we could foresee the future—the relationship between two people could be fitted into a long-term trend line. We know the regression line is theoretical; reality fluctuates around it. The farthest points from the regression line represent the limits of the relationship or "principles." Once reality exceeds the limits we've set internally, it signals a risk of breaking the long-term trend. At that point, we need to repair the relationship or adjust our principles.
This leads to the next topic: when our relationship fluctuates, how should we view it and what decisions should we make?
Tides
Warren Buffett said: "When the tide goes out, you see who's been swimming naked." The more common version is: "Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked."
When the market is good, everyone is making money. High valuations are ignored, and market inequalities are rarely mentioned. Everyone dreams of a bright future. When two people are deeply in love, they might have fallen for each other at first sight or shared common interests. They can overcome differences in values, family backgrounds, education, and upbringing. Until a crisis comes—so big that people start to wonder if it was a mistake from the start. What can be changed or adjusted? What are the principled issues?
The ebb tide reveals reality. When everything calms down, will we still be in this game?
Regret
Admitting mistakes takes courage. Let go of yourself and your obsessions.
Failure is human. Elon Musk of SpaceX said: "Failure is an option here. If things are not failing, you are not innovating enough."
When asked why his company is called Berkshire Hathaway, Buffett said: "Because Berkshire Hathaway is the worst investment I've ever made."
Admitting failure is not scary. What's scary is knowing the situation is irreversible but still sinking deeper, unable to extricate yourself from the quagmire of mistakes. I've always believed: "Pain is of two kinds: one that makes you stronger, and another that is worthless—just added torture." We should reject the endorphins that come with pain and instead embrace dopamine. We shouldn't glorify pain or enjoy it. Pain is pain. Face it with a normal heart, learn from it, and grow in adversity. A sword is sharpened by grinding; whether you use it is one thing, but it's terrible to find you have no sword when you need to go to battle.
The specific approach is to declutter: cut off material desires, discard waste, and break free from obsessions.
Break it off, shake hands, walk away.
Regret happens often because your perception changes at different stages. I think we should be grateful for the past and focus on the present. The heavy boat has passed the mountains of ten thousand. Past failures have made us who we are today.
The Mismatch Between Perception and Reality
Money always flows to those who don't lack it, and love flows to those who don't lack it.
Fate can bring people together, and it can also take them away. That's also fate, just not what you expected.
If your goal in the stock market is to get rich overnight, your risk tolerance is higher. Unless you're extremely lucky, investing with a gambling mentality means you're more likely to lose everything in one go. If you're investing for asset allocation, your target return is just above savings, and you'll diversify more, be more stable, and earn wealth through compound interest over time.
The essence of the mismatch is expectation management. Having too high expectations for someone leads to a strong sense of disappointment. Conversely, if we had no expectations for our partner, how could we imagine someone different from us, with their own hobbies, work, and dreams, appearing in our future plans?
So I don't believe in absolute love at first sight or the perfect soulmate—scenarios that seem to only appear in movies. The former underestimates the complexity of the real world, reducing the vibe between two people to a simple point-to-point match, turning a two-way choice into a fantasy of finding Mr./Ms. Right. Such a story lacks shared growth and compromise, and I find it hard to believe it would end happily. The latter ignores that people's development is dynamic; everyone's pursuits change over time. The future is diverse and uncertain. Two compatible people ultimately need to make trade-offs to achieve mutual success. We shouldn't put ourselves in a position where we don't need to change, expecting a 100% suitable person to appear. But probability is never 100%. Only with hindsight can we know what's right. It's like someone asking me what stock will definitely make money—I'd only say four words: "Wishful thinking." Of course, if you believe, I completely understand, respect, and won't interfere.
A hopeless romantic
About 14 billion years ago, the universe was born from a big bang. Countless particles traveled through time and space to meet at this moment. Some say the difference between us and a table is just a "luckier" arrangement of atoms, but that seems too boring. When those moments we cherish appear, everything becomes meaningful. In the vastness of space and infinity of time, meeting you is an honor.
If you still don't know how to love someone, that's okay. First, enjoy loving yourself.
